The Truth
by ashleymac
Summary: Brooke is reflecting on her relationship with Lucas and Peyton. Not really Brucas or Leyton. Read it and you'll understand. ONESHOT Hints at femslash meaning the character will be slightly OOC. If you have problems with that might not want to read this.


**So this is set at the end of the last episode right after Brooke and Lucas ended things. She's kinda just thinking to herself. I know it sounds like she's talking to someone but yeah she's not really she's just replaying everything in her head. So um review if you wish.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the idea. Don't own OTH and if I did you better believe...well I won't start but let's just say things would be different.**

Peyton and Lucas. Lucas and Peyton. I know breaking up with him makes it seem like I don't care if they get together or not. But I do. I care more than I want to care. I'm just tried of fighting something so hard that fate seems to want.

I'm tired of looking into his eyes knowing that he _never_ cared about me the way he did for Peyton. He would risk his life to save her without thinking twice. Sure he'd do it for anyone because that's just the type of guy he is; always the hero. But with anyone else he'd think first then act. With Peyton not so much. He'd rush in with reckless abandon and we all know that.

I'm tired of looking into her eyes seeing how hard keeping it from him is for her. She's doing it for me and I know that. It should make me feel better but honestly it makes it that much worse. She's in love with him and I know it. He's too stupid to see it and for that he doesn't deserve her and probably never will. I hate how I've been acting toward her lately. Hell she could have been murdered and I didn't even ask her if she was ok. No what'd I do? I gave her a "to go" box and called her a whore. Yeah I'm a great person. Most psychologists would say if you don't like the way you're acting then change it. Easy for them to say. How can I change something when in all reality I'm the reason it started in the first place.

I knew from the start how Lucas and Peyton felt for each other. I knew that Peyton took time to open up. But that didn't stop me from getting naked in the backseat of his truck…car…what ever that thing was. It didn't stop me from becoming his girlfriend when he was obviously trying to hide from Peyton.

The truth is…it was never about Lucas. I didn't like him. I _wanted_ him but I didn't _like _him let alone _love _him. I was afraid. I knew how much Peyton liked him. I had always been her other half and I _knew_ he would replace me. He would complete _my_ P. Sawyer and she wouldn't need me like she used to. I could not lose the one person who I ever really cared about and who honestly cared about me. So what'd I do? I stole Lucas out from under her.

I knew he would fall for it. Boys always do. Why get in a deep, serious, or real relationship when you can just have a shallow sexed based one? I mean really what guy would pick the former? I'll tell you what guy…a guy who truly deserves to be with someone as great as Peyton. At first I didn't feel bad at all because I knew from the start he wasn't the guy Peyton thought he was. If he were he wouldn't be in the hot tub having sex with me. He wouldn't be buying whipped cream and condoms with me. He would have kicked me out of his house that night that Peyton stopped by. But he didn't because he's just like every other guy in the world: selfish, stupid, shallow, and sex crazed. Trust me. I've been with enough guys to know it's true and Peyton deserves so much better than that.

Peyton deserves the best. Peyton, with that hair and those eyes, so delicate but so incredibly strong at the same time. She is what this is all about. I did this _for_ her. Well at least that is what I kept telling myself every time I kissed him, every time his strong arms were wrapped tightly around me, every time we were both naked in my bed. Sure I was lying to myself but that is what it took to keep me from throwing up every time something happened with Lucas and me.

I sound crazy now, I know that. No better than that asshole that stalked and attacked her. I'm not though. I'm really not. I just couldn't lose her.

But I did.

Lucas cheated on me with Peyton. Big surprise, right? I saw it coming. Well at least I should have. I should have known that what fate wants fate gets, even Brooke Davis can't get around that.

I connived and tricked to get Lucas. He then cheats on me and lies about it. But who do I yell at? Peyton. Peyton who didn't really do anything wrong. Well she kind made out with my boyfriend but the point is he would have been hers all along if I would have stayed out of it.

I yelled. I was crying. She was crying. I could tell I was making her feel about two inches tall. I was hurt. I was upset. I was on the verge of being broken. The truth is I wasn't upset that my best friend had snuck behind my back or lied to my face. I was upset that even with me dating him that couldn't keep them apart. My fool proof plan to trick fate had failed.

I was mad at myself but I took it out on her causing her to end things with Lucas. She did that for me, for our friendship. It killed her to do that. I knew that but I didn't stop her. I looked past the fact that she _wanted _him. Because at least I would still have _my_ P. Sawyer.

Hoes over Bros.

Totally my idea. It was pretty genius actually. It was _our_ code to live by. We were to keep each other ahead of any boys. Of course Peyton went along with it. She would do anything for me because she is great like that.

She tried so hard to live up to it to the best of her ability. Me on the other hand not so much. She fell into Jake and Jenny to try and mask her feelings for Lucas. She dropped them if I ever needed her. Too bad I can't say as much for myself. I started benefiting with Felix, only paying attention to my broken friend when Haley pointed out that she was messing around with drugs. That night I promised yet again to be there for her when ever she needed me. Did I live up to that? No, not really. I _wanted_ to be. I _needed_ to be. But I _couldn't_ be. Because every time I looked into those sad eyes I was flooded with guilt. I couldn't help but think that it was my fault. It wasn't just a thought. I _knew_ it was my fault. If she had been with Lucas she would have been happy. He wasn't right for her. I knew that but she didn't. She wanted him and _thought_ she needed him.

I stayed away from her when she needed me the most. I knew that if I spent too much time with her that I would tell her the truth. And I couldn't do that. I would lose her forever if she knew the truth.

She was with Jake and she seemed happy. All was right in the world. I had my best friend and she had a good guy. But she wasn't _in love_ with Jake, I knew that. She still loved Lucas, still wanted Lucas, but was distracting herself because of "hoes over bros." Things like this are what makes know that she is an angel on earth.

Jake left her, I panicked and suddenly fell back "in love" with Lucas, leaving her just like everyone else. _Everyone leaves._ Jake left to find Jenny. Her dad left to make money. Lucas left to be with me. I left, meaning I threw myself into getting Lucas back, to keep myself from losing her. I swear it made sense at the time.

Peyton, being the wonderful person she is, smiled at me and told me she was happy for us when I told her I finally got back with Lucas. It was the truth. She was happy that I was happy with Lucas again. She was happy because she thought _her_ Brooke got the boy she wanted.

Truth is the only correct thing in that thought is me being _her Brooke._ I am her Brooke and she is my Peyton. Always have been and if I have any say in it always will be.

We were back to normal. Or at least what had become our normal. I was with Lucas and my best friend and I were inseparable, minus the times I was having meaningless sex with Lucas and telling myself it was for Peyton.

Then it happened: Peyton got shot. I ran out of that building as soon as I saw the gun in Jimmy's hand. She knew his name, I didn't. She knows everyone's name, even the people she is truly too good to know. She doesn't see it that way. I asked her why before and she said "we're no better than anyone else." I ran. I thought she was right behind me but she wasn't.

Lucas ran into save her and it was at that moment that I knew I was still fighting a losing battle. It wasn't enough to know that his _girlfriend_ was safe on the outside and that the police were doing their best. No…he had to go after her.

The truth is I'm glad he did. I would have never forgiven myself if something had happened to her.

The boy I love saved the girl I love.

It was true. We were on her porch when I said that to her. She was alive sitting on a bench with only a hurt leg. It could have been so much worse. She could have bled out but she didn't because Lucas saved her. In that moment I began to love that boy.

But it wasn't in the way Peyton thought. I still couldn't stomach the thought of him touching me anywhere. However in that moment the fact that he saved her, the girl I've loved my entire life, trumped all the reasons I had to hate him.

And it's the girl he loves, too.

That was also true. Anyone with eyes could tell that he loved Peyton and always would. The three of us were caught in the triangle from hell but it wasn't the one that everyone thought was there. It wasn't Peyton and I fighting over Lucas.

The truth is. It was Lucas and I fighting over Peyton. However, I am the only one who knows that.

A few days later she said the words that dried up the river Nile I had been living in for the past year. She told me about her feelings for Lucas. She told me that she was in love with Lucas and it killed me. Yet again fate won.

My world was turned upside down with just a few words. So what did I do? I yelled at her again. Made her feel even smaller than the first time. Then I did the unthinkable….I smacked her. I smacked that delicate beautiful face that would never do anything to hurt me in any way. She was shocked. So was I. I grabbed my stuff and left, making some excuse about not wanting to live with a "backstabbing two-faced bitch."

The truth is I'm really the backstabbing two faced bitch.

I blamed her. I pushed her away. It wasn't her fault she can't help who she loves. So that brings me to tonight and Whitey's speech.

The type of love where _nothing_ can keep the two people apart.

He was talking about himself and his wife but in my head every word he said screamed Lucas and Peyton. I tried everything I knew to do to keep them apart but it didn't work.

But like I said I'm tired of fighting against fate. So I ended things with Lucas. Well more like we ended things with each other. We both know that we don't have that kind of love and if he's smart he'll realize that he has that with Peyton.

The truth is I don't want him to. I want her to stay my Peyton and no one else's but I know she deserves to be happy.

She is his precious Peyton and he wouldn't hurt her.

The truth is she was _my _P. Sawyer, Goldilocks, and best friend _first._ And if he ever did hurt her in any way I would slowly dismember his body.

She wants him more than anything. She's so in love with that boy.

The truth is he doesn't deserve her not for a second. She deserves so much better than him.

He loves her. He is in love with her. I can see it and I think everyone else can too.

But the truth is….I loved her _first_.

She deserves the best in everything. She's earned it. I want her to be happy. I want her to be in love. I want someone to love her completely and without hesitation. So if that person is Lucas than so be it.

But at the end of the day…the truth is…I want that person to be me.


End file.
